Death to the Twilight Characters
by Sisterz of InsanitE
Summary: TWILIGHT HATERS UNITE! This story is dedicated to you. This is all about how the infamous vamps, werewolves, and annoying humans die. Please no flames from you Twilight lovers. If you love Twilight don't read this. Everyone else, enjoy and review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight haters of the world UNITE! This is the first story that we Sisterz of InsanitE have chosen to share with the world. If you would like for us to write more on this subject or others we would be pleased to take you suggestions under consideration. Any story born of you ideas will have a heart-felt dedication to you. Now sit back, relax, read, review, laugh, review, share with your friends, review...you get the picture.**

**EEK! We almost forgot to say that we don't own anything Twilight! Phew! Glad we said it now!**

**Death to the Twilight Characters**

~Summary: TWILIGHT HATERS UNITE! This story is dedicated to you. This is all about how the infamous vamps, werewolves, and annoying humans die. Please no flames from you Twilight lovers. If you love Twilight don't read this. Everyone else, enjoy and review please!

*This takes place before Bella was turned (it makes it easier to kill her) :}

It was a beautiful October day; the cold wind was blowing, dark rain clouds blanketed the sky, and the inevitable rain was just starting to fall. Bella picked this time to rider her motorcycle to a beach in La Push where all of our annoying humans (cough, cough! I mean Bella's friends) were having a bonfire. She knew that Edward (who is soooo hot btw *NOT*!), would not approve of her going there or her mode of transportation, but disobeying him amused her so she decided to do one more thing that she knew would push all of Edward's buttons: she was going to bring Jacob into this.

She was on the cliff road above the beach when Edward suddenly appeared to her right like the bat out of hell that he is.

"Bella! What are you doing here?" he growled. Bella decided to play innocent.

"What am _I_ doing here? I'm going to see Jacob and you can't stop me," she yelled back. "Besides, what are you doing here? You'll break the treaty!" _hehehe_

At that moment, Jacob came padding up to them on all fours.

_Leave our land, cold one_, Jacob telepathically threatened him.

"I can't let her spend time with you, it goes against my controlling nature! You can't have her, I love her" ranted Edward.

But this was just too much for Jacob. He bounded ahead and blocked Edward's path.

_I'm better for her! She wouldn't have to change for me! I could make her happier than you ever could!_

"Oh yea? Well…" But whatever witty comeback Edward had in mind would never be heard. While Jacob and Edward were proclaiming their love for Bella neither one realized that they had blocked her way; with Jacob in front of her and Edward to her right there was no where to go. Panic stricken, Bella tried to stop the bike but she was such a klutz that she pressed the accelerator instead. She was speeding toward the two men that she loved and couldn't bear the thought of them getting hurt. There was only one option. She swerved to the left and tried to jump off of the bike but her foot got caught, sending Bella and bike sailing off of the cliff and into her friend's bonfire below.

The gas from the motorcycle ignited and blew, killing everyone on the beach. Good-bye annoying humans.

Jacob and Edward stopped and looked at the carnage below. Seeing the charred remains of his love, Edward knew that he could not go on living. He turned toward Jacob and was about to ask the smelly wolf to end his life but Jacob was already charging.

Jacob now had the opportunity he needed to kill Edward; the treaty had been broken, it was all Edward's fault that Bella was dead. **A/N: I personally think it was a group effort.** He grabbed the sparkly vampire and tore him to little pieces, then threw them into the fire. And thus the end of Edward.

Alice saw the smoke billowing up from La Push and, knowing that Edward had planned to go there, ran to the cliff to investigate.

She arrived just as Jacob was christening the fire with what was left of her sort-of brother.

Well, hell hath no furry like a spunky vampire who just saw her brother sprinkled on a fire like wood chips. So she snuck up on the werewolf and pushed him off of the cliff and into the fire. Nice, quick, and simple. Nothing extravagant. No monologing. No time for Jacob to fight back. He didn't even know what hit him, which I guess is a good thing because he would have been ashamed at being bested by a girl.

Also arriving to the party too late was the rest of the wolf clan. Now that the treaty had been violated it was time to run the rest of these pale creatures out of Forks. (They would later be hailed as heroes for doing so by all of Washington).

Alice, her spidy senses tingling, ran back to her home to warn her family.

"The werewolves are coming! The werewolves are coming!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

The house exploded with activity (not fire, although that would have been nice). Carlisle and Esme tried to think of a place to go they hadn't been to in the last decade.

"Well who cares where we go!" said Emmet. "If we don't go now that will be the least of our problems."

Realizing he was right they all just ran, not caring where they went. At least, everyone but Rosalie.

Once she heard Alice's warning she rushed to her room to get all of her cloths and beautification products.

"Wait! Wait!" she screamed as she tossed her lip gloss and eye-liner into her designer bag. She heard the door open and thought Emmet or someone had come back to help her. She didn't smell the stench of wolf because she had broken 53 of her 127 perfume bottles.

"AHHHHHHHH!" she screamed when she turned to see three mangy, flea-infested wolves coming at her. All dogs within a five mile radius went deaf. Rosalie died screaming like the little, immature girl that she was.

The Cullen family, somehow, ended up in Antarctica, where they spent the rest of their days feeding on penguins and seals.

Bella and all of her annoying human friends had a gray, rainy memorial service because there were no bodies left to bury. It was a lovely service about how they were all too young to die and how much potential they had *snort*. When the minister stepped down and gestured for a member of the now deafened pack to say a few words, they just shook their heads and left.

The End

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**TA DA! So how did you like it? Was it good? Again to those Twilight fans out there, please don't flame this. We gave you fare warning so you have no excuse. As for the rest of you, please tell us what you think. Thanks! Peace out!**

**We know you are reading this because we are all seeing and all knowing. Please review! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: But wait! There's more! After a wonderful suggestion from Rydd Rider (and a seconding from AprilJoy) we, the Sisterz of InsaniE, have decided to do a follow-up for chapter one. This is dedicated to the two of you!

The death of Bella, Edward, Jacob, Rosalie, and all of their annoying human friends not enough for you? Then try this…

* * *

It was a lovely winter day around McMurdo. The snow and clouds were white and the only change in color for as far as the eye could see was the blood dripping from the body of a penguin that Jasper was in the middle of sucking. He had almost finished when Alice suddenly ran up behind him.

"Jasper! You have to come quick. Carlisle is trapped under a glacier and we have to get him out of there fast! I have foreseen that the humans are gathering there for their annual polar bear dip and they will surely see him."

Jasper stopped what he was doing and ran alongside Alice to help his sort-of father, leaving his half-eaten meal twitching in the snow.

It turns out that the smaller the animal the faster the Change happens. The wounded penguin had healed and was waddling off to find food by the time Jasper came back to hide the remains.

_I know it was around here somewhere._ After doing a quick search, finding nothing but a few dots of red snow, Jasper headed back to the family's igloo, unaware of the danger that was stirring in the east.

The newly healed penguin had reached them at last, the rest of his flock. Hungry and irritable, the bird pecked at the first penguin that came close and continued on his way. It didn't take long after that until the entire colony had been bitten. You guessed it: they had all become rabid vampire penguins. Happy Feet they aint!

The Cullens, thirsty after digging Carlisle out from under the glacier, had no idea what they were getting into as they approached the flock of squawking birds. As they got closer they noticed that all of the penguins had red eyes and sharply serrated teeth. By the time they had guessed the truth it was too late.

The glittering birds had spotted the pale creatures and were charging them before the Cullens knew what was happening. Some of them waddled like no penguin had waddled before. Others slid over the snow and ice on their stomachs going mock 2, and others flew. Yes, they flew. Nature had designed them not to but nature never planed on penguins being vamped.

The penguins easily overcame the vampires. The Cullens never had a chance. They were no match for blood thirsty, freshly-turned, Hobbit-sized penguins. Within a matter of minutes the only trace of the vampire clan was some glittery pieces of never-melting snow.

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We may or may not write a third (and probably final) chapter about the demise of the wolf pack. This is all up to you guys. If you wonderful, wonderful readers REVIEW and ask for it then you will get it. But you don't even have to request anything to review. But if you want a very easy way to show your opinion, just go to Arlothia's profile page and do the poll. There are options for everyone!

Hey! Want to see a magic trick? Okay. Look at that button riiiiight down there…yes, the one by the speech bubble. Now, hover over it with your curser. You're getting closer, closer….closer, aaaaaand…CLICK!


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